Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Idiots

30 May

The idea for this blog came to me while I was chatting with a colleague the other day.  I’m leaving my job for the next big adventure.  She jokingly said “what are we going to do without your dating nightmare stories every Monday” and we had a good laugh.  Even though I think some of the stories are hilarious – it’s true.  Dating and nightmare seem to go hand in hand for me lately.  Ok, maybe not nightmare but certainly not the pleasant experience it should be – or used to be?  So, I told her “well, I’ll just write a blog called Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Idiots, and you all can read about my misfortunes.  I was only half joking, until I realized I had hit on the opener for the blog I had long contemplated.


So what does the title “Names have been changed to protect the idiots” mean?  This may be an ongoing theme… unless I decide to take a break from dating.  Let me clarify right up front, I have met some GREAT guys.  I have made some wonderful friends who will more than likely be life-long confidantes, friends, buddies, and big brothers.  I just haven’t (yet) found the one who rocks my world.  Then there are the idiots…

 …who don’t even realize they’re idiots.  Maybe they’ll read this and realize it’s them… or not, because they probably don’t read.  So, where to start… let’s go with a couple recent encounters.

 Guys, let me tell you right now.  If a girl says there’s no chemistry, she’s not interested, or there are no sparks, just go with it.  Getting mad about it… REALLY?! Do you think that helps your cause at all?  C’mon, you have a brain, USE IT. 

 Since when does an ass-chewing win friends and influence others (or get you a second date)?  The first time this happened, I was more than a little bewildered.   I was less than impressed on the first date.  I broke the next one – one that had tentatively been planned before the first.  I ignored texts (he never picked up phone to make plans), and I finally told him I didn’t think there were any sparks.  He flipped the hell OUT.  I received a barrage of texts beginning with “I really like you, you need to give it time for there to be sparks” (uh, hi, no… I don’t.  You creeped me out dude, with your 2 hours sales pitch).  That was followed by “women with kids are undate-able” (uh, you knew that I had kids going in), and several others until finally, the straw that broke the camel’s back, “You’re running out of time to be so picky, you need to get the hell over that!”  Dude, seriously… I think I’ll come running right now (insert sarcasm button here).  You just called me old, you asshole, and besides which, I’d sure the hell rather “run out of time” than ever subject myself to life with some prick like you!   So, finally I got bitchy and said “look, I’m not interested.  QUIT texting me.  Lose my number”.  I got the response of all responses – “I’m sorry honey, I really like you.  I have been drinking and my German temper came out”.  OH HOLY SHIT?!  That’s supposed to win me over?  Your TEMPER is supposed to make me thrilled to date you?

And then, something very similar happened again very soon after… I met a guy for coffee.  Within an hour after meeting, he was on my phone, asking “so… what did you think of me?”  First, that question SUCKS.  Do you really want me to tell you your teeth grossed me out?  Do you really want to know that your comments about my friends were out of place?  Giving me shit about drinking coffee?  Yeah, it’s part of who I am.  Really, you ask to kiss me 30 minutes after I meet you? Oh buddy, that’s not working.  Let’s show some class…  So again, I say “you seem like a great guy (he did, to an extent) but I just don’t see it going much of anywhere”.  Know what that resulted in?  Getting another ass-chewing (at least this one was verbal) “Wow, you’re just like all the other women out there.  All you want is some guy to sweep you off your feet” (Yep, you’re right, I do and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that).

 So there are two stories from recent experiences.  Believe me there are more.  I know that one day,  I will be swept off my feet.  Those two jackasses may be right in one sense, it might take some time and the sparks might not be instantaneous.  But I’m sure not sticking around for “German tempers” or bitter guys who think “all women are the same”.  


4 Responses to “Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Idiots”

  1. Geronimo May 30, 2010 at 9:55 pm #

    Single guys should be reading blogs like this: It’s refreshing to hear about someone else’s nightmare dating experiences, I’ve had mine.

    But I think alot of guys feel (subconiciously of course) like they are despart and time is running out, So they will Push or rush into anything, But Pissed when it doesnt work out.

    Because they (Men) think, Womens only thoughts are to find a men, women or anybody creature to grow old with.

    Right on Girl, Your Prince will come sweep you off your feet, to bad you have to deal with freaky BS to find em. But until you do keep hitting us with your nightmares dates. Sad to say “your nightmares are fun to hear”

    I love the post, keep ’em coming…

  2. mom May 31, 2010 at 12:16 am #

    wow, that is a familiar theme in your life!! but now you recognize it, THANK GOD!!


  1. Shawn M. Finch, DVM » Blog Archive » Blogroll! - October 12, 2010

    […] Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Idiots by KindaSassy […]

  2. Shawn M. Finch, DVM » Blog Archive » Blogroll! - May 3, 2011

    […] Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Idiots by KindaSassy : ) […]

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